Mary, Mary, dutiful Mary
Always worried never merry.
Mary, Mary, never cared for looks
Her face always buried in books.
Mary, Mary never happy
Sometimes dull, sometimes snappy.
Mary, Mary, never vain
Treated beauty with disdain.
What is Mary idea of fun?
Know Fordyce’s sermons better than anyone
Ready to quote them to any soul
Not worried if that would make her a troll.
Mary, Mary, banging note after note
Without a care for a piano’s hope
Mary, Mary, never merry
Unless could be contrary.
Mary! Mary! Called her mum,
Stop this racket, my nerves are undone
Angry Mary kept playing
Ignoring what mother was saying
Why would she pay her any mind?
To her not a word was ever kind.
Jane and Lizzy, always clever.
Lydia and Kitty wrong? No, never!
Mary, Mary. Not a prospect in sight
Thought Mr. Collins would relieve her plight
For a husband, he would do very fine
A proposal from him would be divine.
Dear Mary, never had much luck.
Charlotte said yes and again she’s stuck.
Poor Mary, never run amuck,
To Jane’s pen, a sitting duck!
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