Ode To Mr. Collins – Part I

 

What is a vicar, pray tell?

A man who knows the Lord’s word well?

In most cases, maybe

But not in the case I relate to thee

For this one was quite prolific,

But his knowledge very specific.

 

Even though he was visiting a relative

His main subject was quite alternative.

He kept talking of his wonderful patronage

How lucky for him she thought of his lineage.

Eventually, he disclaimed the reason to visit.

She thought he should find a bride for his benefit.

 

The future of the Bennet family was grim;

Their estate was entailed to him

But a bride in their home he was hoping to find

A fact that would ease the Bennets’s mind.

Mrs. Bennet readily jumped with joy.

The girls just thought: ‘Oh boy!’

 

What would that mean?

Living with a person like him!

He was tall and quite heavy

But his manners were not at all savvy.

He seemed to perspire quite a lot;

His face beamed with sweat when he was hot.

 

His manners were not inviting

Even though he seemed very inclined

To please others with praise

All one wanted to do is get a chaise.

Such compliments instead of charming,

Were more like tiresome and alarming!

 

For anyone bright sure could see

That true those statements could not be.

Sometimes in doing so he was so intense

He did not realize he was giving offence;

Alas he realized very few things

Especially that it was not polite to cling.

 

That he did quite well indeed

Stick to a person and really plead

For their attention and devotion, all night long

Not mattering if he was right or wrong.

For what was important was the sound of his voice

All the attention he was able in it rejoice.

 

Will he get his Bennet bride?

Wait and see if one of them will abide.

First, he only had eyes for Jane.

She is beautiful, graceful and tame.

But Mrs. Bennet said she’s almost engaged and not for him!

What will he do now that she is to him but a dream?